I think you hit the nail on the head re: the erasure of erasure is a particular cause of the mental anguish of our existence, even among bisexuals who aren't closeted.
I'm a closeted bi guy married to a straight woman (who is the only person who knows in my life). It seems like every interaction I have with someone feels like a lie. But even if I weren't closeted, I'm not sure it'd be any better.
I'm also a bi man married to a straight woman and I'm becoming more open about it. I told my parents last week (I'm 43)! I told my coworkers a while ago. Everyone has been supportive. Those things feel good. But it's just always going to be the case that as a man who is (faithfully) married to a woman with whom he has children etc., I'm usually tacitly assumed to be straight and as a result I'm neither subjected to queer stigma nor invited into queer solidarity. I do struggle with feeling like I'm misrepresenting myself by allowing people to assume I'm straight sometimes. I have figured none of this out. What I'm trying to say is this: I get where you're coming from. Solidarity. I hope that if you want to you will feel like you can be more open and if you don't want to I respect that as well!
I hope you find that queer solidarity. I realize my situation may be unique but it's possible no matter who you're with! (Monogamy happens to suit me, realizing I'm bi doesn't change that personally.) Also, I hope you're not too hard on yourself for "misrepresenting yourself" which, I think, can be a survival tactic. It's absolutely up to you what you let people know when.
Bi woman married to a straight guy here but very fortunate w/ a very polysexual group of friends and acquaintances. I wanted to write a wish for you but simply: solidarity.
Same, solidarity. Bi gal currently monogamous with a straight cis guy, have struggled severely with most of the issues named in the OP. I'm lucky to now have a much more supportive queer family and circle than I did as a youngin.
I think you hit the nail on the head re: the erasure of erasure is a particular cause of the mental anguish of our existence, even among bisexuals who aren't closeted.
I'm a closeted bi guy married to a straight woman (who is the only person who knows in my life). It seems like every interaction I have with someone feels like a lie. But even if I weren't closeted, I'm not sure it'd be any better.
I'm also a bi man married to a straight woman and I'm becoming more open about it. I told my parents last week (I'm 43)! I told my coworkers a while ago. Everyone has been supportive. Those things feel good. But it's just always going to be the case that as a man who is (faithfully) married to a woman with whom he has children etc., I'm usually tacitly assumed to be straight and as a result I'm neither subjected to queer stigma nor invited into queer solidarity. I do struggle with feeling like I'm misrepresenting myself by allowing people to assume I'm straight sometimes. I have figured none of this out. What I'm trying to say is this: I get where you're coming from. Solidarity. I hope that if you want to you will feel like you can be more open and if you don't want to I respect that as well!
I hope you find that queer solidarity. I realize my situation may be unique but it's possible no matter who you're with! (Monogamy happens to suit me, realizing I'm bi doesn't change that personally.) Also, I hope you're not too hard on yourself for "misrepresenting yourself" which, I think, can be a survival tactic. It's absolutely up to you what you let people know when.
Bi woman married to a straight guy here but very fortunate w/ a very polysexual group of friends and acquaintances. I wanted to write a wish for you but simply: solidarity.
Same, solidarity. Bi gal currently monogamous with a straight cis guy, have struggled severely with most of the issues named in the OP. I'm lucky to now have a much more supportive queer family and circle than I did as a youngin.