If you are the kind of person who religiously tracks which celebrities are coming out as bi (and for your own sanity, I sincerely hope that you are not), then you are already likely aware that a few months ago, Emily Ratajkowski came out as bi through, uh, a TikTok about green couches. I mean, whatever, it’s fine, who cares. The right way to come out is the one that feels good to you, even if it’s as stupid as doing a TikTok about your couch.
In the months since, things were relatively quite on the EmB(i)Rata front, in so much as the only news about her dating life was about her hooking up with Eric Andre (who apparently posted a cheeky photo of the two of them after they broke up? WTF, Eric Andre) and now apparently dating Harry Styles, and as we all know, the general public doesn’t consider a woman who is only dating men to be “really” bi, no matter how many green couches she may possess.
But now, well — in a recent interview with Hommes Girls, EmRata apparently touched on the topic of her own sapphism, noting that she’d love to date a lady, if only she could meet the right one, and now her bisexuality is once again headline news. I haven’t seen the Hommes Girls* piece, just the various tabloids chattering about it, but… well, I have thoughts.
The very cynical read here — which I am not saying I subscribe to! — is that EmRata brought up her bisexuality to deflect from rumors about her connection to Harry Styles; that her stated desire for a girlfriend is more a desire for people to stop talking about who her boyfriends might be. And if so, well, well-played, girl. Well played. Lots of pubs are now talking about EmRata’s wistful desire for a lady love rather than whatever dudes she is boning.
But let’s not be cynical, because the straightforward read — EmRata is sad because she hasn’t found the right girl and must date men like Eric Andre and Harry Styles — is honestly more interesting to me.
Bi women are constantly getting knocked on for our supposed preference for men, for the fact that — even as many of us claim to be way more into the ladies than the gents — we just seem to keep tripping and falling pussy first onto cock after cock. As one of these bi women who’s had vastly more success with men even as she’s vastly more attracted to women, my counterargument is that desire does not create opportunity, and that when you’re lonely, you’ll take the opportunities that you’re given, even if they’re not your first choice. (I mean seriously, I cannot stress enough that in the nearly three years since I started prioritizing dating women over men, I have been in relationships with… zero women. Zero! Granted I only tried to start things with maybe ten ladies in that time, but still: out of ten ladies who I had crushes on, zero reciprocated my affections enough to want to try to date.)
And now we have EmRata — a literal model! Seemingly one of the country’s most lusted after women — telling the world about how it’s just so hard to find a nice girl to date. One would think that EmRata would have no shortage of takers, that many women — beautiful women! Equally lusted after women! — would be throwing theirselves at her feet for the chance to be her lady love. And if that’s not happening for her — or if, as seems more likely, it is happening, but the essential spark just isn’t flickering with anyone who has approached her — then maybe it’s just… hard?
I dunno, guys. There are days when I get very despondent about my likelihood of ever finding a girl I click with who clicks with me. Probably too despondent; I’m sure there’s a woman, even multiple women, out there with whom I could have mutual attraction. But reading about EmRata’s apparently difficulties on the dating front? Well, at least it makes me feel like it might not be about me. Maybe it truly is just hard to be a girl who loves girls.
* It’s pronounced Home Girls, right?
Honestly, this makes me feel a bit better. My track record with women has been similarly fraught. I do think some of it is that I have had a high experience of being dismissed with ” bisexual women aren’t serious about dating women,” so only other bisexual women will even consider a relationship. Where I live, that is a very small pool. Living in a low-population conservative state certainly doesn’t help matters, though. 😅
"Bi women have trouble dating other women" seems like almost a cliche at this point. I wish someone would put out a guidebook to help them get past this.