I could not imagine having enough time
To care about my sex life as much as some strangers do
One thing you quickly learn when you are a bisexual woman is that there are “good” bisexual women and “bad” bisexual women, and the primary difference between the two is that the former are dating queers and the latter are dating straight men.
Really, it is not much more complicated than that. Bi women with boyfriends, the queer community’s favorite punching bag. But what’s more interesting to me than the people who love to slag on bi women with boyfriends, to talk about how they’re too blame for every ruined vibe, every bummer of a queer party that should have been a banger, is the people who position themselves as sympathetic to bi women with boyfriends, the people who want to save this class of women from themselves.
Which is to say: I saw a post the other day urging people to understand bi women with boyfriends as victims of compulsory heterosexuality, to consider the various social forces that lead them to favor men over women as romantic partners. How could the queer community create a safe space to help bi women explore their sapphic sides?, the poster mused.
This thought was immediately met with biphobic comments about how bi women won’t date women because they’re sexually but not emotionally attracted to women (if so, who cares), about how bi women are really just misogynists who fetishize queer womanhood rather than actively participating in it (yawn). But I want to be clear about something: even without the biphobic dogpile, the original post, the original idea being posited? It was fucking gross.
The very idea that bi women dating men is a “problem” that needs to be “fixed” is grotesque. It plays into that same idea I referenced above, this one that positions bi womanhood as acceptable only when it excludes straight men; just packaged with condescending “sympathy” rather than outright disdain.
Like, let me make it explicit: there is literally nothing wrong with bi women dating straight men. It is a not a moral failing. It is not a sign of weak character. It does not make bi women “less bi.” It is simply one option that bi women may pursue, out of a wide range of options. And as long as a bi woman is happy dating said straight men, it’s a perfectly valid option.
But more than that I just — I simply do not get who has the time to worry about this shit, you know? Who cares who bi women date! Who actually has the time to dream up rehabilitation programs to get bi women to date more queers, you know?
I simply cannot imagine giving that much of a shit about anyone else’s sex life. Truly: who has the time?
The worst cops of all are the ones in our heads that try to police other people.
This. Yes. A million times this. Holy gods, people, why is this so difficult to understand? It seems so simple. People should be allowed to date, fuck, or marry people of whatever gender/sexual identity and they don't have to justify it. And shouldn't be scorned or pitied for it. Even if that's not someone you, personally, would date, fuck, marry, or even befriend.
(I'm also really annoyed at that emotional attraction thing. I'm generally much more emotionally attracted to women, not that it's anyone's business, or the point of anything, but grrrrr.)