Could you even have a good bisexual dating show?
I mean isn't the problematic format the point?
I should admit at the top of this essay that I’m not really a reality dating show, or dating competition show, person. The closest I have come to being deeply invested in a dating show was in 2004 when I got super into the second season of The Joe Schmo Show, which was not so much a reality dating show as it was a hoax show that parodied the over the top formula of reality dating shows.
Which isn’t to say that I’m against these shows. During my yearly family vacation, when I wind up spending a week in a cabin with my family, I’ll usually watch an episode of The Bachelor or Bachelor in Paradise or whatever volume of the franchise is currently airing with my sister, an avowed Bachelor Extended Universe fan. And it’s fun! It’s silly! I get why people get invested, why they form their fantasy leagues, all of that. But it’s not really something I personally seek out: my tastes run more towards scripted fiction than “reality,” which tends to eventually bore me with its predictable formula. I’ve never watched Love is Blind or Perfect Match or Are You the One? or any of it.
So given that: I may not be the appropriate person to comment on this Xtra* piece where the author longs for better bisexual representation in dating shows. But I have to say that as I was reading it, my main thought was really, “I mean, you want good bisexual rep when the heterosexual rep can’t even get its shit together?”
Because let’s be real here: these shows are, from what I can tell, pretty much problematic across the board — and based on the commentary I’ve seen from fans, that’s kind of the point? You know the whole premise — that two people can fall in love over the course of some super structured and heavily edited game show and then be each other’s happily ever after — is absolutely ludicrous and unhealthy, and yet you watch because it is so ridiculous, and everyone knows it’s so ridiculous, and that is in and of itself half the fun.
And like, don’t get me wrong: if there are to be bisexuals on these shows (and apparently there are!) then I would prefer they be treated respectfully, and not bombarded with biphobic microaggressions or treated as “diversity” or hypersexualized entertainment for the straights. That feels like a pretty basic ask to make. But beyond that, like… I don’t think it’s revolutionary to slot queers into a hackneyed heterosexual romance narrative, you know? I don’t think you can have exciting bisexual rep on a show that is so inextricably tied to something as heteronormative as the marriage plot.
And I mean yes, you could entirely upend the concept of the reality dating show to make it more queer, less marriage oriented, more bi accommodating. But then you’d have a completely different show, wouldn’t you. If half the fun of these shows is the over the top commitment to the ridiculousness of heterosexuality… then what is left when you queer it? Just, you know, some queers getting it on? Sounds like a fun show, but also sounds like a totally unrelated concept.
But, again: I don’t watch these shows. This isn’t really my lane, so maybe I’m missing something. But I just kinda feel like a show genre whose premise is “let’s gawk at the ridiculousness of hetero romance norms” is just not going to be equipped to offer the world a nuanced take on bisexuality. Just my two cents though!
Recommendation: the Bachelor-themed episode of Game Changer on Dropout! It’s 100% silly and only 1 episode long, but also the most inclusive and respectful dating show I’ve ever seen.
There is one of these purportedly bisexual dating shows on amazon uk, I enjoyed it, wasn’t as brash as the usual reality dating shows over here, but of the parts I watched it had all the usual issues of bi being a holding bay sort of identity, sometimes seeming to be a half-way house for anyone who was confused about their sexual identity, I noticed the guys who said they were bi usually ended up with other guys and the people who said they were open to all genders seemed in reality not to be so keen on trans people and the usual issue with bi-men being less accepted than bi-women. All in all I wasn’t convinced that many of the participants were actually truly bi, more loosely non-hetro and on journeys of curiosity and self-discovery.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Bi-Life-Season-1/dp/B07K4HN439/ref=nodl_?dplnkId=4e7a28b6-6959-4ef8-a992-f087a4ca76b9