There’s a joke my mom told me years (decades) ago, back when I was a kid:
A woman is waiting for a bus when she sees a bearded man in a long black coat and hat approaching.
“Jews like you,” she mutters under her breath.
The man stops and looks at her. “Excuse me?” he says.
“It’s Jews like you that make the rest of us look bad!” she says, louder this time. “Making everyone think we’re backwards and reclusive!”
The man pauses for a second. “Ma’am, I’m Amish.”
“Oh!” the woman replies, taken aback. “Well I think it’s wonderful how dedicated you are to preserving your traditional culture.”
Lately, I’ve been thinking about that joke a lot, riffing on it my head and forming it into a new, queer-specific version:
A lesbian is at a Pride party when she sees a man and a woman kissing.
“Fucking bisexuals,” she mutters under her breath.
The couple stops kissing. “Excuse me?” the man says.
“You fucking bisexuals,” the lesbian says, louder this time. “You bring all this toxic hetero energy into queer spaces and want the rest of us to support and welcome you. It disgusts me!”
The woman stares blankly for a second. “Ma’am, we’re both straight.”
“Oh!” the lesbian replies, taken aback. “We love when allies come out for Pride! Thank you so much for your support of the community!”
It’s not perfect, but it’s close enough.
I’ve been reading my old journal entries for a project I’m not yet discussing publicly, and it’s been interesting to see the way I wrote about my queerness when I was twenty. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that I was struggling with a lot of the same things I struggled with for years after: I knew I was queer, but I didn’t feel “queer enough;” I was attracted to multiple genders, but struggled with the baggage attached to the word bisexual. And I felt ashamed of the fact that my attractions felt so stereotypically binary. That’s what I was writing about here, but it applies to so much beyond that:
If you're straight, it's okay, because you're born that way and you can't help it. But if you're some queer — well, fuck, shouldn't you be more queer? And if you're not, well, it's not just about your preferences. It's politically fucked of you.
I feel sometimes like my life would be easier if I were straight, not simply because I would be in concordance with the dominant culture, but because the bar would just be so much fucking lower, you know? All my basic bullshit would be forgivable because how could I know any better, right? As long as I whipped out some lukewarm “Love is love” every so often I’d be a fucking hero.
Meanwhile as a bisexual, every bit of basic bullshit is an act of violence, a sign that you are secretly a straight person trying to infiltrate queer spaces — all while actual straight people who do the barest minimum of ally work get literally feted at Pride parades. Make it make sense, you know?
I don’t know that there’s a point to this essay today. Maybe it’s just a primal scream. But at least I gave you a joke you can whip out when you’re feeling feisty. (Feel free to improve on the joke tho.)
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I interpreted the excerpt you give from your old journal as mostly related to the lgbtq side of things, but it's interesting to me that I've heard a similar line of logic related to feminism and bisexuals. Basically that if you're a straight woman, you have no choice but to be with men. But if you're a bisexual woman who is with a man, it's like a betrayal of feminist values since it's viewed as choosing to center a man in your life when you had to option to pick a woman, sort of traitorous to the cause. Considering political lesbianism exists, it's not surprising that some people would think if you have any genuine attraction towards women, you're obligated to be with them exclusively. I don't want to sound like I'm bashing feminism at all though as I'm aware this is an outdated minority viewpoint. Just thought it was interesting that you came across a similar attitude as it relates to not being queer enough!
lol <3