Hi friend, it's ok to go off topic. I read this blog for its main subject matter but also because I enjoy your writing and love and respect you and your thoughts about multiple topics especially something as human as what you're going through and today more than most of your always refreshing and thoughtful posts I needed your words about what you're going through to remind myself that I'm not alone with respect to my own story w similar trajectory... so..thank you. Truly.
When my dad died last year, I also thought I was prepared. He'd been in decline for 7 years, and when he went to the hospital for the final time I no longer worried about him going to the hospital. And in a way, I was right: the things he went for (congestive heart failure) isn't what killed him. We were supposed to be able to take him home. But instead he died of aspiration. The disease he'd been living with - or dying with - for so long was implicated in both.
I'm grateful that despite everything, he had a good death - surrounded by people who loved him, with a palliative care team that kept him from feeling any pain but conscious enough to hear us say that we loved him and to show us he understood. Even in that best-case scenario, though, it's impossibly hard. You can prepare to be present for death, to be present with the dying. You can't prepare for how it will affect you. You can't get your grief over with ahead of time.
I am so sorry that you're going through this. Nothing is worse. ♥️
Hi friend, it's ok to go off topic. I read this blog for its main subject matter but also because I enjoy your writing and love and respect you and your thoughts about multiple topics especially something as human as what you're going through and today more than most of your always refreshing and thoughtful posts I needed your words about what you're going through to remind myself that I'm not alone with respect to my own story w similar trajectory... so..thank you. Truly.
Sending you love and support. Please take care of yourself too!
take care lux 🤍 sending lots of love and strength and wisdom to navigate this moment in life to you
“…grab ahold of the people who give me joy and stop questioning what other folks might think.”
This is the way, as the kids say nowadays.
Sending love your way, Lux.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Waiting, even with hope, is so hard.
Love to you. 💜💜
Sending you so much love.
When my dad died last year, I also thought I was prepared. He'd been in decline for 7 years, and when he went to the hospital for the final time I no longer worried about him going to the hospital. And in a way, I was right: the things he went for (congestive heart failure) isn't what killed him. We were supposed to be able to take him home. But instead he died of aspiration. The disease he'd been living with - or dying with - for so long was implicated in both.
I'm grateful that despite everything, he had a good death - surrounded by people who loved him, with a palliative care team that kept him from feeling any pain but conscious enough to hear us say that we loved him and to show us he understood. Even in that best-case scenario, though, it's impossibly hard. You can prepare to be present for death, to be present with the dying. You can't prepare for how it will affect you. You can't get your grief over with ahead of time.
I am so sorry that you're going through this. Nothing is worse. ♥️