I have this joke about queer icons: the easiest way to become one is by being a straight woman who thinks gays are kind of neat!
I kid, I kid. I mean, not really, though. How many Pride parades have been grand marshaled by straight women, you know? Quite a few! It sometimes feels like it’s easier to feel at home, to feel comfortable, in LGBTQ Pride environments as a straight ally than as a bisexual (which is maybe why so many bisexuals in het relationships adopt the ally label).
But I don't actually want to talk about straight ladies at Pride, that’s not really what this newsletter is about today. I’m thinking about a different kind of icon — the bi icon.
See, look: I know that “bicon” is a very fun portmanteau, but I sometimes think we are a little too fast and loose with it. It often feels like the only thing one needs to do to be “biconic” is to be be famous and openly bisexual, and that… causes some problems.
Fundamentally: the mere act of being an out bisexual does not lend one any actual expertise or thought leadership with regards to being bi. You’re an expert on your own bisexuality, certainly, but that and $2.75 will get you a ride on the NYC subway. You may be iconic for other reasons (although oftentimes, not even!) but simply being a known person with a penchant for attraction that’s not bound by the rules monosexuality is … it’s a low bar.
(See also: my frustration with the tendency to get super excited over the merest hint of “bi representation” in media. We deserve better than Bob Belcher vaguely referencing an attraction to men or Loki saying he’s dated men in a blink and you’ll miss it throwaway line!)
I should put my cards on the table here and note that I’m already pretty uncomfortable with the very idea of “icons” — of elevating individual people above the crowd — especially when it comes to something as personal, as individual, as sexuality. But if we must have bi icons (because, yes, bicon is really fun to say) could we maybe reserve that status for, say, movement leaders who’ve actually done work to organize bisexual activists and work for bi freedom, safety, and wellbeing? Could we reserve icon (bicon) status for people who’ve, you know, done the work rather than simply just been famous and bi?
That said: I am very grateful that no one tries to give straight ladies who think bisexuals are neat! the bicon status. At least we got that going for us.
Lani Kaʻahumanu and Susie Bright are two of my Bicons
Lux Alptraum is my bicon 🤩.
Celebs often do good with their fame, but sometimes they frustrate me.
Maybe I am too cynical, I think they are good fantasy material but weak role models for the ordinary bisexual unless their work on behalf of bi’s is actually what made them famous.
The first priority of any celeb seems to be managing and promoting their fame. They are unavoidably slaves to their fan base and the next song, film, book etc., so their timing and depth on any particular other single issue is usually too tame to be effective in changing anything socially. Its great that they do come out, but its usually well after they think its a safe thing to do and then they float out in droves, competing with each other for the most creative expression of their true authentic selves (unless they are forced out - that always looks painful)
They also live in a bubble, seduced or petrified by the hype of fame, it kind of robs them of any connection with ordinary wisdom and ability to learn.
Lux on the other hand is all about the bi, definitely earning it (work to organize bisexual activists and work for bi freedoms, safety and well-being) and mixing with us ordinary bi plebs, very grateful.