Friends, I am tired.
I am tired literally because yesterday was my father’s memorial service, and though it was lovely, it also took a lot out of me, especially since I’m an introvert who gets overwhelmed by large events.
But I am also tired spiritually, because, well, let’s run down some of the recent offenders:
This dumb joke from Miley Cyrus about how everyone should have known she was bisexual because she was dressed more masc than her friends in a photo from the aughts. It’s not so much Miley’s joke itself — she can make whatever jokes she wants about her identity, who cares — as it is the way that this dumb offhand comment has just been amplified again and again by publication after publication, because omg, Miley Cyrus is talking about being queer. I also just — okay it’s also the joke itself, because I find it irritating when people try to act like there is a specific way that bisexuals dress. No one sent me a fashion manual when I came out as bi, and I’m quite happy about that, quite frankly.
This Dear Abby column where a woman is advised against coming out as bi because she’s monogamously married to a man. I can’t even put into words how hateful I find Abby’s response, which tells a woman who’s just bought a Why Not Both? shirt that she shouldn’t wear it unless she’s willing to be open to everyone about being bi, and that she shouldn’t do that unless she winds up dating a woman (or at least, I think that’s when Abby feels it would be appropriate for this woman to come out as bi, she never specifically says). It’s wild how much hate is packed into the six sentence response, but when one of those sentences is “As a married woman, you have made your choice about the gender of your partner and will (presumably) remain faithful,” the venom is hard to ignore. It’s hard to believe that something so gross and reductive was written in 2023, but… here we are!
But more important than any of that is this recent study, which once again finds that bisexual people, and bisexual women in particular, are doing really badly on the health front (and this study was based in England, where healthcare is theoretically available to all rather than being pegged to your employment, so… yeesh). We still don’t have concrete answers as to why bi people’s health is in the shitter (aside from that catch all “minority stress,” which… I find underwhelming in its nonspecificity), but I suppose that’s less important than people actually taking biphobia and bi people’s concerns seriously, which… well given that Dear Abby felt comfortable telling a bi woman to stay closeted because she’s married to a man, it seems safe to say we’re nowhere near to a point where biphobia and bi people’s concerns are taken seriously.
YEESH.
What a Bi Month we’re having, eh?
PS In addition to Bi Month it is also my bi(rthday) month, feel free to celebrate me with cold hard cash.
You’re in my thoughts - it must be really hard marking memorials for your dad. On the closet front - well... I remain unsurprised by my lack of surprise.