“It won't be the way they said to go” — Cotterpin Doozer
It is weird, living through Pride and all the attendant biphobic discourse and drama while you are navigating a family crisis. I’m still in this space of not knowing whether someone I love will wake up from their coma — we’ve seen some progress over the weeks, sure, but not the final, major push over the finish line — and it has radically shifted my perspective on, well, all of this.
There is discourse about “people who don’t feel queer enough” on Twitter, and all I feel is this exhausted, world weary sense of “who gives a fuck?” Yes, we should absolutely recognize that some people are more immediately being targeted, and more immediately at risk, than other people. But beyond that, this entire discussion just feels like insecure people making themselves feel better by dunking on other insecure people. Is this your Pride? Really? I want nothing of it.
It also feels worth mentioning here that many people who “don’t feel queer enough” — by which I have to assume people mean cis bisexuals and especially bi women, perhaps with a dash of cis passing non-binary people — do have bigger problems than just some sense of being left out of the party; indeed, the feeling of being left out of the party isn’t about feeling cool but rather about having a lack of access to crucial supports. I don’t know how many times I have talked about the poverty rate among bisexuals, the frequency of suicidality, the poor health; but it sort of doesn’t matter because people who are convinced that bisexuals don’t have real problems aren’t likely to change their minds in the face of evidence. If you believe in your heart that cis bisexuals have no real problems then the data isn’t likely to shift your opinion, because you’re not interested in facts. You’re interested in someone to be angry at.
But at this point, honestly — I’m not sharing the stats to win arguments. I’m not sharing them to change biphobic people’s minds. I simply want other bisexuals to be able to see themselves — to have that same sense of relief that I had when I first saw these stats just under three years ago. That same sense of relief I had when I finally felt able to place the nagging, unnamed pain that had been troubling me for years. When I finally was able to accept that, yes, biphobia is real and it had really done me damage.
I’m not writing this newsletter to win over biphobes. There will always be hateful people out in the world and they can go rot. I’m writing it to give bisexual people a better sense of themselves. That is, honestly, the best way I can think of to celebrate Pride.
Strongly encourage everyone to click the link at the top of this piece and enjoy the good vibes of Fraggle Rock tunes
thank you, lux. as always, your writing was what i needed to feel a little less nihilistic today.